by Jen on April 5, 2011
I was sitting here putting in a few recipe posts and trying to figure out what it is that’s on my heart. I can feel something there, not heavy like a burden, but something weighing on my heart.
I am still pondering over dreams and God’s purposes and using our present circumstances as a step toward our dreams. I listened to a great guy, Jon Acuff, talk about following your dreams while keeping your day job. And last week, I listened to an interview on the Catalyst Podcast (episode 127) with Bob Goff, where he talked about ideas like strategic whimsy and creating capers, that was inspiring to me both in my life now and in the dreams I’m working toward in the future.
There are so many inspiring things out there and I’m so desperate to know more about the dreams I can feel weighing on my heart. In my overwhelming desire to find out if I’m on the right path in God’s will, I am afraid I am overlooking the immediately obvious encouragements from Him; things like blog posts and podcasts and magazine articles and loving words from my friends and family. I feel a little ashamed of myself, like a child who went ahead and did something when her dad told her not to. I am ashamed to go back to my Heavenly Papa with my dirty, grubby, desperate little dream-seeking hands and say “I’m sorry I went ahead. Can you wash me clean?”
Papa, I’m sorry I didn’t listen to You. I’m sorry I ignored the encouragement and patient understanding You were showing me. I trust You now, Papa. I understand that You have whispered into my heart a dream, a message to share. I will try my very hardest not to disobey You any more and to LISTEN when You speak to me. Thank you, Papa, for your infinite love and grace that wraps around me and my dirty grubby hands. Thank you, Papa, for the final sacrifice of your Son that I can come to You in person, bowing my head in shame and ask to be washed clean. Thank you, Papa, for washing me and lifting my chin that I might see Your precious face once more. Papa, please take this dream in my heart and weave it through my life and into others. Papa, use me and my small life to lead others back to Your feet. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Before I go for now, I need to link to a beautiful blog post that inspired me to return to my Heavenly Papa both inspired and ashamed. Here is a post I think you would enjoy, on creating a place for peace in your home and making active use of it. Ann Voskamp’s blog A Holy Experience, a post called “How to Make & Take a Peace Retreat”. This resonated with me in so many ways that I hope I can elaborate on in the future. But for now, I’ll try to collect my thoughts and words and return to sit at Papa’s feet.
While I’m doing that I pray you will hear the whisper of the Spirit in your heart loving, encouraging and nudging you on.